Marriage: When Life Begins

I was doing my usual Facebook newsfeed  scroll the other day when a I saw a post on someones page. It was a nice little note congratulating this girl on her recent engagement (which I do find exciting) and it was all nice and loving and congratulatory until the last sentence. Which said:

“I can’t wait to see you get married and see your life begin.”

And I just had to stop. And pause. And read it again to make sure it said what I thought it said.

And to my absolute horror, it did.

I think this is a problem among Christian women. Life begins with marriage.

But I’m single. And could be single for a significant period of time (after all, who really knows?). And I would like to think that my life has already begun. Because it has. It began 23 years ago. And I’ve been living ever since.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be married. I want that relationship. I want children. And I know marriage is a significant life change. But there is a difference between a life change and a life beginning.

I think Christian women teach this poorly to young girls (and even to young adults). My whole life I think I’ve been taught to wait for marriage. To save myself for marriage. To prepare myself for marriage. Is everything I do supposed to be for marriage? Or should my life be about God? Should I trust God unconditionally or should I trust God to find me a husband?

Why should I need a guy to fulfill me? If God is enough, I should rely on Him and Him alone. It shouldn’t matter if I stay single forever, become a serial dater, or have a long and happy marriage. I choose to rely on Him, instead of holding on to the promise of a future husband. Because no one ever promised me a husband and no one can guarantee me a husband. It would be futile to spend my life preparing myself for something that might never come. Instead I should spend my life pursuing God.

And why should I be less than whole until marriage? I know marriage brings people together in a way that unmarried people cannot understand. And two become one, and they do life together. But as a single person, I am a whole person. There is nothing missing from me. And even if there was, I don’t believe a person can fill any hole that might exist. I believe only God can truly and fully fill me up and make me whole.

My life began a long time ago. Everyday I choose to live my life, rely on God. Not waiting for the right guy to come along. Not looking for a husband in every guy that walks by. Just living in the moment, now, trusting God for whatever his plan is for me.

I will be content to be single.

I will rely on God.

I will run after God.

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4 thoughts on “Marriage: When Life Begins

  1. I am single. I do have a child, well he is 17 so practically an adult. But, I have never been married and I will be 40 this year. I actually deactivated my fb to take a break from seeing those kind of post on there. I agree with what you wrote. The craziness is that most people that feel that their life begins once they get married… what happens when that marriage ends in a divorce in a few years… does that mean their life ended? I would like to hope that all marriages lasted the way they are meant to in their vows but reality these days is that they don’t.

    God has a plan, and I believe that. We just have to remember it is on his schedule not ours.
    Best to you!

    • That is very true. People who define themselves by marriage lose their purpose through divorce or even a death of a spouse. I think the damage can be extensive in that case.
      Thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts!

  2. It’s nice to know someone out there shares my opinion. Well, sort of my opinion. With me, it’s more just confusion about why marriage has to be so important, but I definitely share your view on the whole life-begins-when-your-born thing. Maybe a new chapter in your life begins when you get married, but your life definitely doesn’t begin just with marriage. No way.

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