Thankful Thursday: July 24

This week I am thankful for:

  • Teaching old people to text: this week my mom and my aunt decided to teach my grandmother how to text. Think blind leading the blind. It was quite entertaining.
  • Carcassonne: it’s a great game. you should play it. My sister and I played it over and over and over again on the weekend. Also, I just really enjoy board games. Got any suggestions?
  • Salmon: I know, kinda strange. But salmon is just so delicious. Especially fresh salmon. And when you live on the west coast, fresh salmon is the best!

What are you thankful for this week?

Desperation

When I was a teenager I used to want a moment of desperation.

A moment to push me off the fence.

You see, despite growing up in the Church, I never felt fully committed. I had one foot in the church and the other in the world. I knew Jesus in my head but not in my heart.

And I thought, if only I had a moment of desperation I could decide.

Because those are the stories we hear in youth groups.

The ones with a hook and a climax and a 180. The ones where they were living one life, they got into a car accident and almost died, and they turned their lives around.

Every time I heard a story like that I thought to myself: I need that. Then I’ll decide for sure. One way or the other. Then I’ll get off the fence.

Because that’s what desperation does right? It pushes us to choose.

It is not until you hit rock bottom that you really know your need for God.

I didn’t get some good story of hitting rock bottom. I didn’t have a near death experience. My life didn’t turn from one way to another.

But I did become desperate.

I had everything stripped from me.

I was left with nothing.

And in that moment, with nothing, I reached for everything.

Desperation.

It pushed me off the fence.

It forced me to choose.

And I chose God.

 

New Kid on the Block

It’s like the first day of school all over again.

That day when you don’t really know any one. You’re in a new place. A new school. You’re an outsider. You try to break in with someone, but it’s hard.

You’re the new kid.

That’s how I feel every day I got to work right now.

I hear my coworkers laughing and telling jokes.

I hear them telling stories. Asking for advice. Making conversations.

They are more than just coworkers. They are friends.

And I am the new kid on the block.

Three weeks. It’s been three weeks since I started. And still I feel like I am on the outside looking in.

I know (or at least I hope) that someday I will look back at this post and laugh at it ever having been like that.

But until then, I’m on the outside looking in.

I try to break in. But I don’t know how. I don’t know their jokes. I don’t understand their ways.

I hear them laughing from my office and I don’t know if I should join in or not.

So I wait. I hope someone will include me.

And often they do. They are nice people after all. They do not intend to be exclusive. I know that.

But I am the introvert who second guesses her thoughts. I am the new kid who doesn’t want to be invasive. I am the new kid who doesn’t know when to invade.

There are other things too.

I’m 24. Easily the youngest person on staff.

I am the one they call “kiddo” or “hun”.

I am the one they wonder about, they wonder if she’ll make it.

And I know they don’t mean it to be patronizing. I know it is just a word. But that isn’t always how it feels.

I am 24 years old. I’ve gone to university for 5 years. I have had one other real job in my life.

Respect me anyways. Like me anyways. Include me anyways.

And most importantly, teach me anyways.

They are good teachers. They show me their ways while leaving me room to create my own ways. They give me information when I ask.

I am working my way in.

Soon I hope not to be the new kid on the block.

I hope to be an old face. A friend. A coworker.

Soon.

Thankful Thursay: July 17

I haven’t been a very consistent blogger lately so this might be a long one! But it’s good to be thankful for lots of things!

  • new jobs: That’s right, it really happened. And I am loving it (most of the time). It’s in my field. There are people my age (ish). It’s helping people. It’s less terrifying then I thought it would be (which is fantastic). And I’ve gotten some good feedback from the person training me!
  • Sisters: my sister came home a few weeks ago! I am so thankful for that. I have missed her more that I thought and I enjoy having someone else at home with me to hang out with.
  • Sangrias: because aren’t they just the perfect summer drink? Seriously. So good. I want to try making one. But the Cactus Club version is also fantastic!
  • Summer days: there is nothing better then hot summer days where all I want to do is sit outside and read my book. Okay, there is one thing better: days off
  • Flex days: my new job comes with a day off every other week. Which is fantastic. Especially during summer. I love having long weekends!
  • Remodels: my sister and I decided we will remodel our bathroom this summer. It has been fun planning and shopping. Especially because we don’t have to spend any money!

What are you thankful for this week?

I am (happily) Single

At least I think I am.

Most of the time I am.

I used to hate being single. I wanted to be like everyone else. In a relationship. Or married. With someone special by my side, someone to love.

Don’t get me wrong – I still want those things. But I want them differently now.

It used to be the goal – now it is just one part of life.

What I have learned in my 24 years of single-dom is that it doesn’t matter.

In the Christian community a single woman is told to prepare herself for marriage, to get ready, the special someone is coming any day now. As if God’s only purpose for us is to be wives and mothers.

In fact one of my single friends told me that the other day. She said “I don’t believe God would put that desire in my life if He wasn’t going to fulfill it”

And I used to think that to. But now I disagree.

I think in my singleness I have learned to trust God more completely.

I think in my singleness I have been given the chance to build healthy habits.

I think in my singleness I have discovered who I am and who I am in Christ.

And I don’t think I could have learned these things if I was in a relationship.

But in learning these things, I have also learned a hard truth. It might not be God’s plan for me to be a wife and a mother no matter how badly I might want it. It might be in God’s plan to put these desires in my heart and then to ask “am I enough?” every day for the rest of my life. It might be in God’s plan to use me in my singleness.

I would like to live in a world in which I am not defined by my relationship status. Where that first question I am asked by a stranger isn’t “do you have a boyfriend?”.

Perhaps someday, people like me (and many of my single friends) will change that perception.

Until then, I will have to continue saying I am single.

(and it’s okay)