I am (happily) Single

At least I think I am.

Most of the time I am.

I used to hate being single. I wanted to be like everyone else. In a relationship. Or married. With someone special by my side, someone to love.

Don’t get me wrong – I still want those things. But I want them differently now.

It used to be the goal – now it is just one part of life.

What I have learned in my 24 years of single-dom is that it doesn’t matter.

In the Christian community a single woman is told to prepare herself for marriage, to get ready, the special someone is coming any day now. As if God’s only purpose for us is to be wives and mothers.

In fact one of my single friends told me that the other day. She said “I don’t believe God would put that desire in my life if He wasn’t going to fulfill it”

And I used to think that to. But now I disagree.

I think in my singleness I have learned to trust God more completely.

I think in my singleness I have been given the chance to build healthy habits.

I think in my singleness I have discovered who I am and who I am in Christ.

And I don’t think I could have learned these things if I was in a relationship.

But in learning these things, I have also learned a hard truth. It might not be God’s plan for me to be a wife and a mother no matter how badly I might want it. It might be in God’s plan to put these desires in my heart and then to ask “am I enough?” every day for the rest of my life. It might be in God’s plan to use me in my singleness.

I would like to live in a world in which I am not defined by my relationship status. Where that first question I am asked by a stranger isn’t “do you have a boyfriend?”.

Perhaps someday, people like me (and many of my single friends) will change that perception.

Until then, I will have to continue saying I am single.

(and it’s okay)


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