When I was a teenager I used to want a moment of desperation.

A moment to push me off the fence.

You see, despite growing up in the Church, I never felt fully committed. I had one foot in the church and the other in the world. I knew Jesus in my head but not in my heart.

And I thought, if only I had a moment of desperation I could decide.

Because those are the stories we hear in youth groups.

The ones with a hook and a climax and a 180. The ones where they were living one life, they got into a car accident and almost died, and they turned their lives around.

Every time I heard a story like that I thought to myself: I need that. Then I’ll decide for sure. One way or the other. Then I’ll get off the fence.

Because that’s what desperation does right? It pushes us to choose.

It is not until you hit rock bottom that you really know your need for God.

I didn’t get some good story of hitting rock bottom. I didn’t have a near death experience. My life didn’t turn from one way to another.

But I did become desperate.

I had everything stripped from me.

I was left with nothing.

And in that moment, with nothing, I reached for everything.


It pushed me off the fence.

It forced me to choose.

And I chose God.



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