The Self(ish) Choice

Sometimes, after a long day at work or just a long day in general, all I want to do is curl up under a blanket and watch tv or read a book. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be alone. 

And every time I feel a little bit guilty about this feeling. 

I feel like I need to go out with friends. I feel like I need to say yes so that invitation. 

But all I want is to be alone. 

And for some reason that feels wrong. It feels like the wrong choice. It feels like there is something wrong with me for wanting to be alone sometimes. 

But the truth is that sometimes being alone is exactly what I need. And maybe that’s not wrong. 

It might seem selfish. But is it? For me, it’s a choice I make for myself. To keep myself healthy. Sane. Grounded. Well. It’s self-care. 

Sometimes when the world sucks I want to talk it out. Sometimes when the world sucks I want to be alone. 

It’s taken me a long time to be okay with that choice. To be confident in saying no to that invitation because I need me time. Because my ‘self’ needs to refresh. And sometimes I still think it seems wrong. Society tells me I should be out with people, living, partying, going out all the time. I’m only 26 and I should be having the time of my life. 

But my life wants me to be selfish sometimes. To focus on me sometimes. To not be with people all the time. 

And that’s not wrong. That’s not stupid. That’s not selfish. It is a choice I make for my self. And it is the right choice for myself. 

Sometimes you need to give yourself permission to be selfish. 

Sometimes being selfish isn’t bad. 

Sometimes making the selfish choice is exactly what the self needs. 

Tomorrow I’ll make a different choice (maybe). 

But today is the day to be selfish. 

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