Make My Heart BelieveĀ 

This song is resonating in my mind right now. It’s stuck, with the words repeating like an anthem. No, like a prayer. This is my prayer. 

In all my sorrows, Jesus is better 

Make my heart believe

In all my victories, Jesus is better 

Make my heart believe 

Thank any comfort, Jesus is better 

Make my heart believe 

More than all riches, Jesus is better 

Make my heart believe 

Our souls declaring, Jesus is better

Make my heart believe 

Our song eternal, Jesus is better 

Make my heart believe 


https://youtu.be/H0QotnipM-o 

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Finding RestĀ 

I’ve been have one of those weeks. Or multiples of those kind of weeks. 

You know the kind I’m talking about right? 

The kind that never seems to end. That piles up higher and higher. That leaves you running a mile a minute. And ultimately leaves you running on fumes. 

That’s what it’s been. And today, which blessedly is the end of my week, there is nothing left in me. 

I have been running on fumes since Tuesday. I am used up. I am empty. 

I’m trying to find rest. 

Not just sleep. Although that’s important. And I haven’t been getting much of it of late. 

But rest. The kind of rest that can only be found in God. 

I will give my stress to God. 

I will ask for His help to let go of the things that are piling on me. 

I will rest in God’s presence. 

And that is where true rest is found. In His loving arms, His perfect comfort, His unending strength. 

God can carry this for me. He can carry my stress, my burdens, my exhaustion, my complaints. He is bigger than I will ever be, stronger than I will ever be, wiser than I will ever be. 

It’s a beautiful thing to have a perfect and loving saviour who has me in the palm of his hand. 

Because, after the last few weeks, that is the only place that I’ll find any rest. 

Exhaustion


Ever had one of these days? 

I do, all the time. 

Today was one of those days 

A day with a four hour planning meeting to avoid making intrusive decisions. 

A day with an internal conflict so extreme tears came out. 

A day in which I had to be the hard ass but also support a family to get to a place of understanding. 

A day in which other professionals told me how to do my job while never having walked in my shoes. 

A day in which people said one thing to me and another to the parents. 

A day which had me eating lunch at 3pm. 

A day which included a parking ticket because my meeting went two hours longer than intended. 

A day that had me advocating for something I’m not sure is in the best interests of the child or the right thing to do. 

A day that resulted in me sitting on a hospital floor, with tears rolling down my face, and uncertainty everywhere. 

A day that is hard to let go of. 

I’m exhausted. Exhausted deep to my bones. Emotionally exhausted. Physically exhausted. Mentally exhausted. 

I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel. 

I spend all day being strong. 

Being sure of my choices and decisions in front of parents. Being direct with people. Explaining what I think over and over in the most clear and concise way. I act confident because I have to. 

But away from the parents and the professionals it’s different. In private moments with my boss and team, in the quiet moments by myself, all that is left is exhaustion.

Exhaustion and tears. 

I am strong.

But some days I just act strong. 

Enough

I was sitting in a lodge this weekend, surrounded by the never ending falling snow wondering about one word: contentment. 

It was a women’s retreat, all about finding contentment. Contentment in possessions, relationships, circumstances. 

The question I struggled with the most was how to be content with relationships I don’t have. 

I’ve always struggled with this. This desire in my heart to be married and have children. To see people in love, to hear stories of both trials and triumphs, to see the faces of loving children. And I think to myself, I want that. 

And so far, God has said not yet. Or maybe he is saying no. 

But what this question comes down to is being content with myself. Right? Am I content with myself, with my current circumstances, with what I have right now. Am I enough?

But dig deeper and an even bigger truth comes out: is God enough? 

The obvious answer, the Sunday school answer, the right answer for a life long Christian is yes. 

Yes of course God is enough. Obviously. He is God. 

But saying yes and living yes are two different things. 

Saying yes is easy. Believing yes is hard. 

My head knows the truth: God is enough. My heart has harder time. 

God is enough. He is the giver and sustainer of life. He is everything. He is and was and is to come. He knows the thoughts in my head and the desires in my heart. He knows my past, my present, and my future. 

He has a plan for me. And it might not be my plan for myself. 

God knows what I need better than I ever will. And the truth is all my needs are met in Him. 

My prayer: help me to believe that. And help me to live that. God is enough. 

God is more than enough.