I do, all the time.
Today was one of those days
A day with a four hour planning meeting to avoid making intrusive decisions.
A day with an internal conflict so extreme tears came out.
A day in which I had to be the hard ass but also support a family to get to a place of understanding.
A day in which other professionals told me how to do my job while never having walked in my shoes.
A day in which people said one thing to me and another to the parents.
A day which had me eating lunch at 3pm.
A day which included a parking ticket because my meeting went two hours longer than intended.
A day that had me advocating for something I’m not sure is in the best interests of the child or the right thing to do.
A day that resulted in me sitting on a hospital floor, with tears rolling down my face, and uncertainty everywhere.
A day that is hard to let go of.
I’m exhausted. Exhausted deep to my bones. Emotionally exhausted. Physically exhausted. Mentally exhausted.
I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.
I spend all day being strong.
Being sure of my choices and decisions in front of parents. Being direct with people. Explaining what I think over and over in the most clear and concise way. I act confident because I have to.
But away from the parents and the professionals it’s different. In private moments with my boss and team, in the quiet moments by myself, all that is left is exhaustion.
Exhaustion and tears.
I am strong.
But some days I just act strong.